true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need moral support for this bender
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
