yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
