Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
