guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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