Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
