I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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