If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
