at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
