I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
