Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
