The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
