i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
