just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
