I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
