But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
