I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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