After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
