woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
