I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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