I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
