we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
