i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
