My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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