it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
