Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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