I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
