I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
