**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
