alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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