My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
