you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
