Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
