HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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