I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
