JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
