Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
