3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
