Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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