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If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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