He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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