He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
