i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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