By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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