It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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