giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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