I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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