I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
