If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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