The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
