I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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