Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
