Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
