I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
