Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
