Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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