After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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