I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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