You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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