he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
