Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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