I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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