but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
