ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
