i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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