You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
