I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
