Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
