She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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