I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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