Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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