My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
