Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We are two peas in an std pod
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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