i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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