his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
