She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
