Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
