some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize