i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everclear isn't food dammit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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