Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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