the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
