Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
