is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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