I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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