Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
