so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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