I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
