i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize