I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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