she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
