BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
