You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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