i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
