then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
