Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
