i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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