You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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