You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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