i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
