3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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