you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
