Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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