Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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