ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Damn victory sex feels great
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
